Bad Invitation Songs

So, I like a variety of music. I mean a variety. From Gospel to Hard Rock. From Rap to Orchestral music. My friend, Jonathan, has asked me several times "How do you know all this music?" Well, I know it because I am a loser who has nothing better to do than to sit around with the radio blasting, eating Starbursts while Sportscenter replays on the television over and over again like a broken record. Okay, so only the last part is true. Anyway, I was hanging out with some students at FBC Willow Park, just playing guitar, when this idea came to mind. Just a note: If you hear any of these songs being played during a worship service, then you should run for your life because the Apocalypse may just be ready to occur.

Bad Invitation Songs

Highway to Hell - I can see it now. The pastor stands before the congregation, urging people to know the Lord when he makes this statement: "If you do not know Jesus, then you are on a Highway to Hell." Cue AC/DC. The only thing that could make this worse would be playing Stairway to Heaven after someone makes Christ their Lord and Savior. "Before we go, let me introduce you to the newest child of God, little Suzy. Because she has placed her faith in the grace of God, she is now able to walk the Stairway to Heaven." If you didn't bolt before, surely that would make you get up and leave, pushing over anyone who gets in your way.

End of the Road - I love Boyz to Men. They have some incredible vocals, and who doesn't like having the bassist speaking to you in every song (Listen to this song, On Bended Knee and just about any of their songs to get the picture). Can't you just hear that deep booming voice "Baby, will you give your life to Christ before it's the end of the road for your life?" If I ever heard this, my head would explode and nobody wants that, especially not me.

Apologize - Pretty cool song by OneRepublic and Timbaland. Having said that, call the authorities if you ever hear "If you died and were to go to heaven tonight, would God say 'It's too late to apologize. It's too late!"

Stand By Me - This is a classic song by Ben E. King that you cannot help but like. There have been many remakes of it which is a testament to just what a great song it is. However, I think even Ben E. King himself would throw up if he heard someone desecrate the holiness of God by singing that song in a worship service, especially as the invitation song. "Always know that if the skies tumbles and falls and the moon is your only light you see, you don't have to be afraid because Jesus will stand by you." Your next move should be to call Chuck Norris and have him issue a roundhouse kick to the worship leader for singing it and the pastor for allowing it.

Don't Stop Believin' - Ah, Journey. So many great ballads and nasty 80's hair. This song wouldn't be so much for someone to make a salvation decision as it would be to help those who are already Christians to hold strong in your faith. "Maybe you are a small town girl living in south Detroit, and times are just really tough for you, and this train you are on has no destination. Will you keep your faith? Don't stop believin' in Jesus and His power, grace, and love for you." Good point, awful illustration. Proceed to bang head on pew in front of you.

Ring of Fire - Just because Johnny Cash has a CD that is purely him singing the great hymns of years gone by, does not mean any of his original songs should be anywhere remotely close to a church service. "The ring of fire awaits those who are condemned. Is that where you are going?" Be sure to check yourself into a hospital after this one because you might have an aneurysm Thanks Luke for the suggesting this one.

A few more before I go to work:
Bye, Bye, Bye (NSync) - "Jesus will make your sins go bye, bye, bye."

Any songs that have been modified to fit the Christian criteria - example: Friends in High Places (Friends in Low Places by Garth Brooks),  Sweet Home Up In Heaven (Sweet Home Alabama by Lynard Skynard).

You Spin Me Round  - I wish I could make this up, but there was a youth rally in which the speaker told
the  students and adults in attendance to take their shoes and socks off and spin their socks above their head and jump around. The lyrics were "You spin me right round Jesus, right round, like a record Jesus, round round. Somehow this was related to God commanding Moses to take his sandals off because he was standing on holy ground. I did not realize God was such a fan of awful 80's music. I stand corrected.

Anyway, this was just a little bit of fun for me. If you have any others, feel free to throw them my way.

May our worship and our lives always been honoring and pleasing to God. He is deserving of all glory. Hope you have an awesome Easter celebrating the fact that Jesus did, indeed, die and was raised to life three days later. His death was for our sins and his resurrection defeated sin and death. He alone is worthy to be praised.

Peace.